


Instant Messaging III 1/2

by TheSaddleman



Series: Instant Messaging [4]
Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who & Related Fandoms, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Angst, Confessions, F/M, Foreshadowing, Jealousy, Psychic Paper, Romance, Secrets, Trust, reference to violence, space married, spoilers for Doctor Who Series 9, whouffaldi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-27
Updated: 2016-11-27
Packaged: 2018-09-02 17:12:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,291
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8675893
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheSaddleman/pseuds/TheSaddleman
Summary: Clara, unable to sleep, bored, and with a burning issue on her mind, contacts the Doctor via psychic paper once again. This time, the conversation turns into an uncomfortable confession for the Doctor.





	

**Author's Note:**

> In a recent series of threads on both AO3 and Tumblr I've discussed how characters often take on minds of their own in a story. You plan for a story to go one way and the characters so "uh-uh" and it goes in another. This happened here. This was intended to be a light and fluffy "in-between" chapter of my Instant Messaging series. Instead, it turned into a very serious discussion between two strong-willed characters. In particular it became a way for me to try and rationalize some of the major continuity issues created by the events of "The Husbands of River Song". 
> 
> This story takes place very late in Series 9. It is set after Instant Messaging III, hence the unusual numbering (technically it is the 7th story).

Doctor?

Hey, Doctor?

Wake up, sleepy head!

     _What? I wasn’t sleeping, Clara._

Sure you weren’t.

     _Shouldn’t you be in bed yourself?_

I am in bed.

Couldn’t sleep.

How do you know 

what time it is here?

     _Secret._

Or you’re looking

at the watch I left behind

by accident.

     _May-be._

So, what’cha doing?

     _Inventing a better mousetrap._

No, really.

What’cha doing?

     _I told you._

     _Inventing a better mousetrap._

Why am I not surprised?

So you’re bored, then.

     _Is it that obvious?_

Not as obvious

as shaving your head

that one Christmas.

     _Don’t remind me._

     _Took a year to grow back properly._

     _Spent weeks scratching._

How can you be bored?

You have all 

of time and space

to play with.

     _I like to share the experience_

     _with you._

     _I’m never bored with you._

I wasn’t always with you.

     _Technically speaking, you_

     _have always been with me._

You know what I mean.

     _I’ve travelled with many._

     _But now I travel with you._

And someday it’ll be someone else.

     _I don’t want to think about that._

Me neither.

I don’t like the idea

of being lumped in

with the others.

     _I’d never lump you._

    …

     _That sounds better in my head_

     _than it reads._

I know the game, Doctor.

Grab on for the ride.

Enjoy the ride.

Because the ride eventually ends.

     _I don’t want that to ever happen._

Neither do I.

Enough moping.

You’re bored.

I’m bored.

Can’t sleep.

Want to go for coffee?

My treat.

There’s a 24-hour café

down the street.

     _So sayeth the poet._

Oh yeah!

Ha!

     _I’d love to._

     _But the TARDIS is_

     _clearing her buffer._

Should I be blushing?

     _Humans…_

     _Always thinking with their..._

     _She’s defragging herself._

She ask you to turn away?

HAHAHAHAHA!

     _Anyway…_

     _Her databank is inaccessible._

     _If I try to travel now._

     _I could end up anywhen._

     _Not in the mood for randomness._

Oh, well.

I’ll have to wait.

Tomorrow’s Wednesday.

     _Best day of the week._

     _Named for Odin, or Woden._

     _Nice chap._

     _Hell of a tennis player._

Odin, playing tennis?

You’re pulling my leg.

Again.

     _I’ll show you the selfie._

     _He also tried to drink Leela_

     _under the table._

     _Lost._

     _Richard Wagner was sat at the next table._

     _Inspired him to write an opera._

Leela was Brunhilde?

     _Dick had to tone things down._

I bet.

I forgot to mention.

So I ran into Osgood today.

     _Was she hurt?_

Moving on...

She and I had a nice chat.

     _About what?_

Oh, this and that.

     _Should I be worried?_

May-be.

I want to know how

she knows you have

question-mark underpants.

     _I want to know_

     _how YOU know_

     _I have question-mark underpants._

Oh, I, er, uh…

…saw them.

     _Where?_

Where do you think?

Marching down the Royal Mile

by themselves?

     _But we’ve never..._

     _…I mean we came close_

     _that time on the train._

     _Er, ignore those last two!_

     _But, seriously … Clara?_

Mylorg. The prison.

     _Ahh..._

     _When I was injured._

Not just injured.

Feverish. Out of your mind.

You nearly died three times.

I took care of you for a month.

Remember?

     _Very little, I’m afraid._

     _I was out of it._

     _Nearly regenerated._

At one point 

you sweated so much

you could have gotten sicker

in your wet clothes.

I had to strip you down.

     _Clara, you never told me._

You’d have done the same.

     _Oh, no._

     _I remember attacking someone._

Not me.

     _Don’t lie to me._

It was fine.

Willem got a bruise or two.

But then you recognized me.

And calmed down.

Stopped your regeneration, too.

     _I would never hurt you._

     _Even out of my mind._

Duty of care, eh?

     _Not just duty of care._

     _You’re my best friend._

You never answered my question.

     _What question?_

How did Osgood know

about the question-mark

underpants?

     _Oh, I, uh…told her._

Oh, really?

And you never told me?

     _Clara, are you jealous?_

…

     _Clara?_

Little bit.

     _We were just joking around._

     _While you were off being Bonnie._

So while I was stuck in a pod

you and Osgood were discussing

your underpants?

>:(

     _How do you do that?_

     _I didn’t know_

     _about Bonnie then._

…

…

     _Why are you upset over a stupid_

     _piece of trivia?_

How long has it been?

How long have we been together?

     _Lost track. Years._

Years.

Yet you still keep secrets from me.

     _What’s wrong with secrets?_

     _You don’t want to know_

     _everything about me._

You told me what

you did in the Time War.

Asked me to forgive you.

Thought I wouldn’t …

want to be with you anymore.

But what did I do?

     _You forgave me._

Unconditionally.

You’ve told me about

falling in love.

Rose, River, Romana, Jo.

The others.

And I listened.

     _I shouldn’t have said anything._

No, Doctor. It’s good.

I understand.

You tolerated Danny.

And there were others

before I met you.

     _I know._

But through all this.

All we’ve done.

What you mean to me.

What I mean to you, I hope.

You’ve never told me…

…

     _This isn’t about underpants anymore._

     _Is it._

You’ve never told me

your name.

     _You know why I can’t._

Bollocks!

     _Excuse me?_

Vastra was right.

I’m no exception to your rule

am I?

     _What rule?_

Doctor who?

I had to find out in a bloody book.

     _You shouldn’t remember that._

Impossible Girl, remember?

I don’t remember the name.

But I remember where

I found it.

Went back later and

the book was gone.

Of course it was.

     _I didn’t do that._

Bull$%$&.

     _Language._

$%## you.

     _Clara, why are you upset?_

     _This isn’t like you._

     _I thought after the moon thing_

     _we were sorted._

…

…

     _Clara._

I’m sorry.

Sometimes it gets to me.

I’m okay.

Really.

     _No you’re not._

     _Get your phone._

     _Continue this on Facetime._

No.

I’m in bed and I look like hell.

     _Do you really think I care?_

No, Doctor.

This is better right now.

     _If you say so._

     _Is knowing my name that important?_

No. Yes. No. Yes.

…

Okay, that came out all by itself.

Guess I don’t know then.

     _You know there’s only_

     _one person I can tell._

Yeah, I know.

And I guess that’s not me, eh?

     _Clara, you don’t understand._

Do you know what Missy said?

On Skaro?

About us?

     _Psychic paper doesn’t do mind-reading._

She said we were space married.

     _Space married?_

Yeah. 

And when I spoke to Osgood

she said the same thing!

Everyone seems to think it.

     _Missy’s nuts._

     _Osgood … not quite so nuts._

     _But still nuts._

Why nuts?

Don’t you think it’s accurate?

My life revolves around you.

You just said you don’t like

doing stuff without me.

Cass and Lunn thought the same.

And Psi and Saibra.

Even Danny seemed to suspect.

Maybe we are

space married after all.

So how about it?

     _What, you want to go back to Vegas_

     _and get Elvis to marry us?_

Only if it’s the real Elvis.

     _He tried that once._

     _Got fined for_

     _impersonating a Justice of the Peace._

You didn’t answer the question.

     _Clara, are you well?_

     _You’re proposing to me_

     _over psychic paper._

Queen Victoria proposed to Albert.

Worked for her.

     _That’s not what I mean._

     _Where did this come from?_

     _It’s not because of my name._

After the Bonnie thing ...

and you nearly killing me in the Dalek ...

and thinking I'd lost you at the Drum.

I realized life is short.

Maybe not for a Time Lord.

But I know I won’t 

be here forever.

Then after the Sandmen thing

I realized I wanted this.

     _Clara..._

I was going to 

bring it up when we visited

that garden planet

you keep wanting to visit.

But we never got there.

Bloody Dalek uprising.

Got distracted.

Business as usual.

     _Clara, I can’t._

Why not?

    …

    …

Doctor?

     _Clara, I’m still married to River._

I know, silly.

And you’re still married to

Elizabeth I

Cleopatra

We won’t count Marilyn.

Just because someone dies

doesn't mean you’re 

not married to them anymore.

     _You don’t understand._

     _I don’t like endings._

What do you mean, Doctor?

     _River’s story isn’t over._

     _I’ve never ..._

You’ve never taken her to Darillium?

     _No._

     _I tried._

     _Before I met you._

     _Couldn’t go through with it._

So that means when

you were getting ready to die

on Trenzalore…

     _I hadn’t resolved things with River._

%%#^!

But everything could have ended!

Me.

My family.

All the planets you saved.

What the hell, Doctor?

     _Time will heal._

     _It always does._

How can it?

If River didn’t die

then you’d never see her

die in the Library.

She’d never become a data ghost.

She’d never made it possible

for me to survive your timestream.

Everything would have been undone.

EVERYTHING.

     _Clara..._

You shut up. 

Just shut up.

Do you know why you

are alive today?

     _You, in my timestream._

No, Doctor.

After that.

     _After?_

You went up to the bell tower.

Ready to give up and die.

Let the Daleks kill you.

And I spoke to the Time Lords.

     _You?_

Yes, me.

Through that crack thing.

And they listened.

Gave you more regenerations.

Saved you.

     _I never knew._

And that was me in the barn.

     _Sorry?_

I was there in the barn.

That night you couldn’t sleep.

You were still a kid.

You were crying.

I was there.

Piloted the TARDIS

and spoke to young you while old you

was out cold with Orson.

     _Never be cruel._

     _Never be cowardly._

I gave you those words.

After you gave them to me.

After the timestream

that River helped me survive.

And you were going to

destroy everything.

     _Clara._

     _I never realized._

…

…

Make me a promise.

Make it to me now, Doctor.

     _Anything._

Someday, you’ll be alone.

When you are...

Find River.

Put this right.

For me.

For everyone.

     _I promise._

…

…

     _Clara?_

…

…

     _Clara. To hell with this buffer._

     _I’m coming now._

***

The TARDIS materialized in Clara’s bedroom and the Doctor exited quietly, not sure what he’d expect. What he saw was his Clara, sitting up in bed, holding her psychic paper in her hands, her eyes moist. She appeared to have thrown a housecoat on as she appeared slightly overdressed for bed. 

The Doctor didn’t say anything. He just sat down on the bed. They’d never had a conversation like this one before. Not even when she’d told him to go to hell after the moon egg incident; somehow getting a dressing down for forcing Clara to make a decision on behalf of her world was, for the Doctor, a bit less terrifying than this.

“Clara, I-”

Before he completed the sentence, Clara leaned forward and wrapped him in a hug and pressed her lips against his cheek. 

“Clara,” he began again, trying to regain a bit of composure. “You once forgave me unconditionally for what I had to do in the Time War. And you forgave me again after I’d abandoned you on the moon. I don’t have the right to ask for forgiveness a third time.”

Clara tightened her grip on the Doctor’s torso. “Do you know how long it’s been since you said you were coming here?”

The Doctor’s eyes widened. “Please don’t say a year or a decade. You’re well-preserved if it’s been years.”

Clara smiled and punched his arm playfully. “No, but still about a half hour. Not bad by your standards.” The Doctor had to nod at that. “It gave me time to think. And I realized that if I was you, I’d do the same thing. About River, I mean. Hell, I tried to make you change history to save Danny, after all. And Bennett told me what happened with O’Donnell and what you tried to do to save me at the Drum. Why would I expect you to do anything different with the woman you married?”

“You’re not angry?”

“Oh no, I’m pissed. But I understand,” Clara said. “When you love somebody, you do extraordinary things. Even gamble with the fate of the universe. We’ve both been there.”

“So, about this space married business,” the Doctor said with an uncharacteristic stammer.

“Yeah, I understand that, too. You’re still married to River. That explains a lot of things, I guess.”

“What do you mean?”

“Nothing. Let’s not go there.”

“What I was going to say is …” the Doctor took a deep breath. “Time Lords have a different set of values when it comes to things like marriage. It probably has to do with the fact we regenerate and change our whole personality. Although I haven’t encountered River—the real, living River—since before you and I met, I’ve been keeping track of her. Did you now she’s been married several times while still being married to me?”

“What, so polygamy is a thing for Time Lords?” Clara asked, only half joking.

“It’s difficult to describe and is one of those things that really is hard to understand unless you actually _are_ a native-born Gallifreyan Time Lord, Clara. What I’m getting at is … there is nothing stopping us from, you know, if you really want to.”

“Really?”

“Really,” the Doctor said. “But I don’t want to discuss this anymore tonight. We’ve had an emotional exchange, Clara. Said things that maybe both of us wish hadn’t been said. Tomorrow I will, come hell or high water, take you to the second most beautiful garden in all of time and space. We’ll decide then, okay?”

Clara laid back on the pillows and nodded.

The Doctor smiled back. “Oh, and there’s just one more thing.”

“Yes, Doctor?”

“There is something I’ve decided to do for you tonight. Something you said about being an exception to my rules made me decide to do it.”

Clara cocked her head slightly. Where was he going with this?

The Doctor took hold of her hand and leaned towards her. For a moment, Clara thought he was going to kiss her, but instead his lips veered to the left and he began to whisper in her ear. 

“Clara, my name is…”

**Author's Note:**

> The major issue I had with "The Husbands of River Song" is that it implied that the Doctor prepared to go to his final death in "The Time of the Doctor" without having sent River on to her fate at the Library. Had Clara not intervened with the Time Lords, a catastrophic paradox would have happened. (This is why I dislike "Husbands of River Song". It had little to do with the presence of River Song herself.) 
> 
> Many fans of Whouffaldi use the term "space married" to refer to Twelve and Clara, with a few suggesting that their behaviour in both Face the Raven and Hell Bent suggest they may well have been. This is one of those things that is left up in the air; in this story I've left the door open for the possibility that something might have happened prior to Face the Raven. Or maybe they were distracted again. Who knows? There is nothing to suggest that Clara didn't know the Doctor's name by the time they parted, so I threw that in since they weren't going to be together for very long after anyway, sad to say.
> 
> The events described on Mylorg and the character Willem are from an unchronicled adventure (sort of like how several episodes of Series 9 started right at the end of another adventure). I night write the story sometime.


End file.
